Why Aren't You A Mom?
by gypsysfeather
Summary: [ONE-SHOT] The eighties are here in Storybrooke. Regina had just cast her curse, bringing everyone here. Now, she has met a little boy, Owen, who asks a very striking question. "Why Aren't You A Mom?" He asks. Her mind flashes back to why she never had a child of her own. The day that she told herself she never would. The day that permanently left an empty void in her heart.


**Hello. Here is an _extremely _sad one shot of Regina, remembering why she wasn't a mom. This takes place in the enchanted forest, before she killed Leopold. As she's "flashing back", that takes place in "Welcome to Storybrooke", when Owen asks why she isn't a mom. **

**I just thought this was kind of a sad reason as to why she didn't want children from her. Very sad, actually :(**

**Please let me know what you thought!**

**G.**

* * *

_"Why aren't you a mom?...You'd be really good at it." Owen said._

_Regina's mind flashed back to the enchanted forest. The day she knew she'd never even try to have kids, the day it was all ruined for her._

* * *

"Leopold, please, I don't think I will be able to make this long journey." Regina begged, hoping he would leave her in the castle.

He walked up to her and looked her carefully in her eyes, "Regina, you need to come. Queen Eva made this journey only days before she was to give birth."

She looked down at her large stomach. She was hurt, he was comparing her to Eva again. She squeezed her lips together and put one hand on her stomach, "Okay." She said reluctantly.

Leopold patted her on the top of the arm, "Good. This little one can wait longer, anyway, right?"

She nodded, in hopes he was right.

He smiled and left the room. This was one of the few times he was sober, when he was around his daughter. His precious, beloved Snow White. The only thing he truly loved in this castle.

"Your majesty," Claire, Regina's servant, walked in.

She turned around to look at her, "Claire, please, don't call me that. I've told you that." She paused, "I'm nothing in this castle."

Claire tilted her head over and walked towards the now saddened Regina, "Keep your head up, dear. You'll have a baby soon, you can raise him or her just how you want, ignore what the king says." She said in a hushed tone.

Regina tried smiling, "I wish this never happened."

Claire looked at her confusedly, "The baby?"

Regina shrugged, "Yes, sometimes. I love kids, and I love being in this state- even if I do feel nauseous and tired all of the time. But I just…I wish I wasn't _here._" She complained.

Claire took her chin in her soft, rounded fingers, "It's okay, Regina. The king…well, the king is not a young man. He won't live forever."

Regina turned away, trying to hide her now apparent tears. She put her hand on her stomach and tilted her head down, silently sobbing. "You don't understand…" She whispered, still not facing her.

Claire walked up to her and gently laid her hand onto Regina's back. She could feel by just being around the queen that she was tired. She was exhausted, to be exact. She hadn't been sleeping good, from what Regina had told her. She locked herself in another room at night so Leopold couldn't harm her or her baby by abusing her like he always did. Like he did before, which resulted in this now. "Regina, I understand. I know what the king does to you. I can't ignore the finger marks on your arms, or the expression that fades onto your face at the mention of this pregnancy. I know you'll love this baby, and I know that you know that. But here's your chance, your majesty, to give it the best life you can. The life that _you've_ always wanted."

"But I never wanted this life!" She screamed out, tears flowing onto her face. "I never wanted to be a queen, it was all my mother."

Claire turned Regina towards her, laying both of her hands on her shoulders, "Listen to me, dear." She said sternly, but still soft. "Listen to your child. Did you ever try to tell your mother the way you felt?"

Regina nodded sheepishly.

"Listen to _your_ child. Give it what he or she wants, not what you want. You always want the best life for your children, but sometimes they have to make their own blunders. That's how they learn."

Regina tilted her head over to one side and batted the tears from her eyes, "You have children, don't you?"

Claire looked down at the ground shyly, ignoring her question.

"Claire? Do you have children?" Regina asked again.

Claire leaned her head to one side, "Yes, I do. But you mustn't speak of them. The king has ordered me not to."

Regina looked at her with even sadder eyes, "Why has he ordered that?"

"He said that it distracts us from our work, our family does."

Regina put her hand on her shoulder gently, "I'm so sorry."

Claire shrugged, "This isn't about me, this is about you and," She put her hand on Regina's stretched out stomach, "You and the baby."

She shook her head, feeling tears come forward again, "I don't even know how to be a mother, Claire!" She shouted out of fear.

Claire smiled at her softly, lowering on eyebrow, "It'll come with time. As soon as this little bundle of joy is placed into your arms, you'll know what to do. No one knows how to be a mother, Regina, but we all have instincts. Every woman is built with them, they'll guide you through motherhood. I can assure you of it." She said, just as gentle as always.

Regina wondered constantly what it would feel like to have this child sitting in her arms. She was ready for it to be out, but knew there was still weeks to go. She was tired all the time, and her body was beginning to hurt. With each step, her swollen feet felt like she was stepping on needles. Her back felt like it could break in two, and her stomach felt so stretched out that she feared it would never go back to normal.

"Now, let's go get you ready for this journey, okay?"

Regina reluctantly nodded, knowing she would be tired the whole way.

They walked out of the room they were in and into the corridor. They walked quite a ways down one, then turned into another. After a few long corridors like this, they reached the stairs. They climbed a long ways up, stopping once for Regina to rest against the grey, cement wall. Claire looked back at her and smiled gently, "You really are tired, aren't you dear?"

Regina nodded exhaustedly, "Very." She moaned. She thrusted her hand onto her stomach hard and let out a whimper.

"What is wrong?" Claire asked.

Regina shook her head, "I guess it's just kicking hard, apparently."

They finished resting, then walked the rest of the way up. Claire got a small back from Regina's wardrobe, laying it on the bed, open. She began to get clothes out for Regina, laying them neatly inside of the bag. Regina rested herself on the edge of the bed, gently caressing her large bump. She fondled over it, wondering what it will be like to actually be a mother. Truthfully, she was excited for the arrival of her child. She just wished that Leopold wasn't the father.

"Alright, all packed and ready. Are you ready as well?" Claire asked, holding the bag in her hand. Regina nodded and slid off of the bed onto her feet. They trekked down the stairs again, through all of the long corridors and into the courtyard where the king was waiting.

Claire turned to her and laid her hands affectionately on Regina's stomach, "Be safe." She said.

Regina looked at the maid confusedly, "You aren't coming?" She asked. She knew that she wasn't told to, but she wanted her to. For support and comfort.

The maid looked over at Leopold sheepishly, confused as to what was happening.

Leopold looked at his wife, "She can come. There's extra room."

Regina's face brightened a little, knowing she would have a friend along the way.

They gathered up all of their things and strapped them onto horses. Regina and Claire rode in a carriage behind some large, white horses while the king rode on a horse.

Suddenly, their carriage stopped abruptly. They looked at each other, wondering what was going on. Regina opened the door slowly and stepped out onto the ground. She looked around, then saw that a wheel had broken. It hit the stump and broke in two.

"Oh, wonderful." She murmured.

Claire stepped out as well, seeing Regina place her hands where her waistline used to be. "Oh no. Hopefully the journey isn't much farther."

Leopold walked up on his horse, "It isn't, don't worry. Only a little while longer and we'll be there." He said.

Regina nodded shyly at the king. They continued walking beside the carriage.

"Thank you for bringing me along, Regina." Claire said, staring at the ground.

Regina nodded, "You're welc- OW." She shouted.

Claire tilted her head over concerned for Regina, "What's wrong? What's happening?"

Regina grabbed the bottom of her stomach, "It's hurting." She moaned.

Claire rushed to her side and put her hand on Regina's stomach to see if the baby was kicking hard. She didn't hardly feel it.

Suddenly, Regina stopped walking and looked down at the ground. Her face was contorted, she was in pain.

"Regina? Regina, what's wrong?" Claire asked.

"I think I'm in labor." Regina said quietly, beginning to panic a little.

"In labor?!"

Regina nodded frantically.

Claire rushed her over to the side of the trail, sitting her down in the brush. "I need to check, okay?"

"You're the…midwife…" Regina muttered out before she screamed again, another wave of pain rolled through her.

All this time, Leopold didn't come to see what was going on.

Claire leaned down and peeled Regina's dress back, uncovering her legs. She examined her, then put her dress back down, "Regina, you're only at thirty-two weeks, you're not supposed to be having this baby yet. It could be very sick." Claire warned.

Regina yelled through the pain again, "I don't think…I have…a choice!" She said, gripping the bottom of her stomach and buckling her body in half.

Claire prepared herself the best she could without any medical tools. "You're ready to need to get this baby out whether it should be or not. It's coming."

Regina leaned herself on her elbows behind her. She gritted her teeth as another contraction rolled through her like a searing wave, "Ahhh!" She screamed.

"Breathe, okay?" Claire tried to calm her, but it wasn't working. "Get ready to push, Regina."

Regina nodded tiredly and closed her eyes. Preparing herself mentally, the best she possibly could.

"Alright, push!" Claire yelled from between Regina's legs.

Regina did as she was told. Her whole upper body lifted from the ground with the force that she applied. She squeezed her fists tight as the pain was unbearable.

"Again…" Claire said.

She took a deep breath in and clenched her jaws. She held her breath and pushed as hard as she could.

Suddenly, she felt a relief from her lower stomach. That relief made her worry when she didn't hear any cries.

"Claire? Claire! What's wrong with it? Why isn't it crying?" She asked frantically. She was in a complete mess, leaves in her hair, sweat covering her face and neck. Tears, now, staining her red face.

"Regina…"

"Claire!" She shouted, letting out a sob, "Please don't tell me…"

"Regina, I'm so sorry…she's not alive." Claire said sympathetically, holding the tiny, lifeless baby in her hands.

A guard now came through the leaves and saw the two women with the baby. Claire looked back at him, "Go get a shirt from my bag, please!" She ordered.

The guard surprisingly did as she said, and came back with a soft, red velvet top. Claire wrapped it around the baby tightly.

"Please…please just let me hold-" Regina stopped, "What is it?"

"It's a boy, Regina." Claire said softly. She got up to her knees and handed Regina the swaddled child.

Regina looked down at the baby, sobbing and yelling. She sounded so broken, so sad. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened." She cried over him.

_As soon as this little bundle of joy is placed into your arms, you'll know what to do. _Those words flashed through Regina's mind.

Leopold came through the bushes, "What is happening-" He stopped when he saw Regina, covered in sweat and holding her baby. "It's…it has come?" He asked, in shock.

Regina looked up at him, only to let out another sob. She was rocking back and forth, "No, no no. Please, please come back." She cried over him once more.

Leopold fell to his knees beside Regina. "He didn't survive?"

"He came too early, your majesty." Claire interrupted.

He looked at her sternly, "What caused this?!" He yelled, immediately becoming angered. He quickly turned back to Regina and drew his arm back as if he was going to slap her in the face, "It was you! You couldn't carry this child!"

"Sir, if she wouldn't have walked so much this wouldn't have happened. It caused an early labor…" Claire said, defending the poor, sobbing young lady, holding her dead baby in her arms.

"So this is my fault? The death of this child is going to be blamed on me?" He asked angrily.

Claire looked at him, obviously torn as to what she should say. "Please, don't upset her anymore. She's just lost her child, your majesty."

"I've lost my child too, now!" He shouted.

"Please, Leopold!" Regina yelled, letting out another sob. She looked down at her son, "Please…I want to be alone with him one last time. Just for a few more moments. Please…" She begged.

Leopold and Claire looked at each other, they were angered at each other for two different reasons. But they agreed they should let Regina have a moment, then left.

Regina fondled her baby boy in her shaking, cold, sweat covered arms. She wailed over him, leaning down to hover above him as if she was shielding him. "I'm so sorry…" She whimpered. "Maybe…maybe it was for the best. I know you will live a happy life now, just not here. Please forgive me for giving into your father…please." She whimpered again. She hugged him as tight as her exhausted body could, bawling continuously.

After about ten minutes, she looked up from him, then to her side. She grabbed the rock that was setting beside her, and began digging with one hand. She dug a deep hole and laid her deceased child on her lap. She took the red velvet that was covering it's body off of him, placing it on the other side of her. She took her cloak from her shoulders, then wrapped that around him. Around his whole body, leaving his face open.

"I'm sorry…" She moaned once more, then placed her baby boy into the hole she had dug. "I'm so sorry…" She mewled.

* * *

_"I guess it just...didn't turn out that way, Owen." She replied melancholy, coming out from her flashback._

_Owen went on about his business, and then, just then, Regina realized the emptiness, the void inside her heart. It was left by her deceased son, a long, long time ago._

* * *

**:'( **:'( ****:'( ****:'( ****:'( ****:'( **:'( ** **:'( ****:'( ****:'( ****:'( UGH why do I do these things to myself :( THIS IS SO SAD! Let me go bawl my eyes out now.******

******Please review and tell me how much you now hate me :( hah. I know I probably would...I'm telling myself that now :'0******

******Much love,******

******G.******


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